Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
