I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
