I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
