Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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