the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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