He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The best revenge is premature balding
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
