He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
