My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
