so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
