I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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