I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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