Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
