I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
