ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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