He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
