i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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