I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
