She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
