I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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