Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize