MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
