I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
BRING THE BAGELS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
