last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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