Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
