she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
