I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
