last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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