my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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