Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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