I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
