It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How naked do you want me to be?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
