Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
