Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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