Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
