Even the bartender felt bad for me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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