he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
