i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
