i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
