Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
