Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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