WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
