if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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