can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
COCAINE IS GR8
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize