She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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