Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She bit a glass in half.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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