exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
