Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
