I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
