At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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