dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
