My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
