It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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