I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i think im in europe. pls send help
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
