I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
