I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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