So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize