After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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