If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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