I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
