Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
