I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
40s are totally the cure
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
