I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
