This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Found your dick twin last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I can't turn off my feet"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need to calm my uterus...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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