I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
