if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
