another moral hangover. fuck.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
