Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
