i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
