I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
