I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize