If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Just puked most of my soul out..
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